I don’t want to scare anyone, but I probably won’t since I’m totally unqualified to discuss the things I’m about to discuss. My uncle died a few years ago after battling brain cancer. His tumor was in the part of his head closest to where he held his cell phone. Obviously there are a lot of people who have held cell phones to their brains and haven’t had any problems.

But no one has held a cell phone to their brain for more than about a decade. People also spend more time on their cell phones than they used to. There’s simply no way of knowing what decade upon decade of cell phone use will do to a brain. It’s undeniable that many of the photons emitted by a cell phone collide with the matter that makes up our brain and unlike say FM radio, the transmitter is RIGHT THERE (so there are way more photons). I think it’s undeniable that this physical interaction has some effect, whether it be neutral, negative, or positive (seems pretty unlikely).

But brain cancer; so what. We’re gonna die anyway, and I personally am curious as to what a brain altering disease would feel like. But…where do you keep your cell phone for most of its life? The transmission power is higher when you’re talking, but your cell phone is always communicating (via photon) with the towers. And when it gets harder to communicate with the towers (maybe because you went underground), your cell phone will drain more battery power in order to send more photons in order to have a better chance of maintaining communication with the towers.

I keep my cell phone in my pocket, which is pretty close to my balls. If I sit the right way and my pants are amenable, my phone is actually on my nutz. Who has ever done a study on the Multiple Decade Effects of Cell Phones on Nutz? Also, raise your hand if you use WiFi with a laptop in your lap (aside from the electromagnetic dangers I propose, someone more qualified proposes that the heat generated by laptops is dangerous for men).

All I’m saying is this: I won’t be surprised if health issues start cropping up in the generation of people-who-carry-electromagnetic-transmitters-with-them-everywhere-they-go.

Also, props to Plex for figuring out how to post a YouTube video.